


Better

by EggMuffin



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: AU, Angst, Eggsy has to have his memory wiped, M/M, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Pining, Singer Eggsy, dodgy memory loss science, hartwin is endgame, rating will be going up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-09-11 11:43:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8978305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EggMuffin/pseuds/EggMuffin
Summary: Eggsy fails his last test and despite everything he has done to prove that he is Kingsman material, rules are still rules and his memory is wiped. Harry is heartbroken and mourns the loss of a brilliant recruit and the man he loved. Moving on turns out to be difficult when Eggsy becomes a famous singer and Harry can't go a day without hearing him on the radio.





	1. Betrayal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [meetingyourmaker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meetingyourmaker/gifts).



> This is written for this prompt by [meetingyourmaker](http://meetingyourmaker.tumblr.com/): ''What if Eggsy failed the test and Kingsman has to erase his memory? But before that Eggsy confesses his feelings to Harry. Even though Harry feels the same, he had to turn Eggsy down cuz of stupid reasons. A year after,Eggsy becomes a famous singer and now Harry has to hear and see him everywhere.''
> 
> I hope I'm doing this brilliant idea justice!

Kingsman had been Harry’s life for decades and while he didn’t always approve of everything Kingsman did, he had never hated the organisation as much as he did at this moment. A Kingsman follows orders and has to trust that those orders are based on the best available information and have been thought through, but here Harry was, about to fill an order that was based on the worst decision Kingsman ever made.

Eggsy would not be a Kingsman. Despite being a capable candidate and successfully killing the man behind V-Day, despite figuring out that Valentine had had Arthur in his pocket, despite having proven himself to be twice the man most Kingsman agents were, rules were still rules. Eggsy didn’t pass the final test and he would not be a part of Kingsman in any capacity.

Harry had come back from Kentucky, alive by some miracle and ready to beg for Eggsy’s forgiveness, to find that Eggsy had already forgiven him. Wrecked by guilt regardless, Harry had fought for Eggsy, getting into heated arguments with his colleagues, ready to burn bridges left and right, talking to the heads of other Kingsman divisions and departments, trying to find a place for Eggsy in the organization. Merlin and Lancelot supported his cause, as did some others, but most knights, including Bors, who had been promoted to Arthur’s position, made their position very clear: rules were rules and in place for a reason. Eggsy couldn’t follow orders and shoot the dog, he hadn’t realised that the bullets were blanks, was he really ready to be a Kingsman? _Yes!_ Harry had wanted to scream. _How could they not see that?_

The worst part was that while Harry had been trying to talk some sense into his colleagues, Eggsy had been left in the dark, waiting for the verdict for over a month. All he knew was what Harry could tell him, that Merlin and Lancelot were on his side and that Statesman would be happy to accept him if Arthur allowed it, that Arthur was still reluctant. Eggsy put on a brave face and Harry’s heart broke a little more every time Eggsy smiled and said, ‘’He’ll come around, yeah?’’, voice wavering just a little.

It all came to a head in April, when Arthur called a meeting to discuss Kingsman’s future plans. The organisation would be operating at minimum capacity until they had repaired all damages done by V-Day, which meant training two new knights and recruiting new supporting staff. ‘’Which brings us to the matter of Gary Unwin,’’ said Arthur, looking pointedly at Harry. ‘’We have been stalling the matter for a month now and it’s time to end it. Galahad, while your lobbying has been admirable, I’m afraid that my original decision stands; he will not be a part of Kingsman.’’

‘’With all due respect, Arthur, it’s a mistake. You have a trained candidate who has proven himself to be capable, whose only failure stemmed from the fact that his orders were given by someone who actively antagonised him throughout his training, while his competition had the advantage of receiving orders from a trusted party, and you’re refusing to welcome him to your ranks, even though you’re missing two knights and various other staff members. I respect tradition, but willing to change to keep up with the times is essential for an organisation’s survival.’’ Harry’s voice had a hard edge to it and he could barely stop himself from hurling his glass at Arthur.

Arthur regarded him over his glasses for a moment. ‘’Be that as it may, Galahad, Kingsman has made its decision. His memory needs to be wiped. I trust you are up to the task?’’

Harry felt his blood run cold. He opened his mouth to tell Arthur where he could shove his task, but Arthur stopped him. ‘’While Unwin won’t find a place here at Kingsman, he _is_ the son of a former recruit and as such was entitled to a favour, which he used to get out of an arrest, after which you nominated him as your candidate for the position of Lancelot, Galahad. Kingsman is offering him a flat and a monthly allowance for the next two years. When he wakes up after you’ve erased his memory, he’ll find that he called in that favour to receive the flat and the allowance. If he really is as capable a man as you claim him to be, he will find a way to make something of himself.’’

\--

‘’So this is it, yeah?’’ Eggsy asked as he surveyed his new flat. ‘’Nice of them, I guess.’’

Harry had told him that Kingsman has given him a flat and allowance, but that he wouldn’t be a knight. He hadn’t told him the worst part yet.

‘’Arthur thinks that you’ll find a way to make something of yourself, Eggsy. Even without Kingsman.’’

Eggsy snorted. ‘’And what about you, Harry?’’

‘’It’s probably the only thing we agree on. You’re capable and smart, willing to work hard… You’ll be fine.’’

‘’I kind of thought that I’d be making something of myself as a Kingsman,’’ said Eggsy quietly. He turned to Harry. ‘’You were the first one to ever believe in me, y’know, the first to give me half a chance. Worked so hard to make you proud – ‘’

‘’Eggsy, you must know – ‘’

‘’No, lemme finish, Harry. At first I thought it was just mentor worship, that I was just crushing because you paid attention to me. Imagined us kicking arse together in the field. But then I sort of realised that it’s not just about wanting to make you proud, it was about wanting _you_. I – I love you, Harry.’’

Harry was taken aback. He had been in love with Eggsy since he annihilated his competition in the marksmanship training, and he, too, had imagined them as partners, perhaps in more than one sense of the word. For a moment he considered saying that, but in an hour, Eggsy wouldn’t remember a thing anyway. It was easier for Harry if he didn’t voice his feelings.

Still, it was cruel for both of them. It was cruel of Harry to give Eggsy a chance and then take it all away; it was cruel of Eggsy to confess his love for Harry right before he had to wipe his memory. But then again, he didn’t know.

‘’Eggsy, I – I have to tell you something. All – all failed candidates must have their memory wiped.’’

‘’Oh.’’ The look of betrayal on Eggsy’s face broke Harry’s heart. He wanted to gather him in his arms and confess his love and make it all right. But perhaps this was better. Eggsy could start over again, he wouldn’t remember. Harry, however, would be stuck with the memory of this day for the rest of his life. Maybe this was his penance for the things he had said before Kentucky.

‘’I’m sorry.’’

‘’No, I get it. Can’t have me going around with the secret spy shit in my noggin, yeah? Guess you’ll be doing it?’’

Harry nodded.

‘’I wouldn’t have anyone else taking my memory, anyway. Makes sense that it all begins and ends with you, yeah?’’

‘’Eggsy, I want you to know that I am proud of you.’’ Harry took a deep breath and raised his left hand to prime the amnesia dart. ‘’Do you want to do this now?’’

Eggsy took a deep breath. ‘’No point in delaying the inevitable, is there? Go ahead, Harry. I’d say, ‘’see you around’’, but I guess I won’t remember what you look like.’’ Eggsy’s eyes were full of sorrow. ‘’I mean it, I love you.’’

_Please don’t keep repeating that_ , Harry thought. ‘’Take a seat, Eggsy, you’ll collapse when the – when the dart hits you.’’

‘’Yeah, yeah.’’ Eggsy sat down on the couch. ‘’Alright, let’s do it. Best of luck, yeah.’’

‘’Best of luck, Eggsy.’’ Eggsy closed his eyes as Harry aimed at his neck and released the dart. It embedded itself neatly into the side of Eggsy’s neck and the boy sagged to his side, face going slack. It hurt just as much as the look of betrayal from earlier and the defeated acceptance that followed.

Harry found a blanket in one of the bedrooms and brought it into the living room. Gently, he plucked the dart from Eggsy’s skin and pushed him down into a lying position before covering him with the blanket. When Eggsy wakes up, he won’t remember anything about Harry or Kingsman, all he knows is that he called in his mysterious favour and received a flat and an allowance for his family. He will chalk his trouble remembering anything from the past few months up to the effects of V-Day.

Unable to resist, Harry leaned down and kissed his forehead. ‘’I love you, too, Eggsy,’’ he whispered.

‘’You alright, Harry?’’ asked Merlin’s voice in his ear after he had closed the door behind him and effectively walked out of Eggsy’s life.

‘’I’m signing off for today,’’ said Harry in lieu of answer.

That night, Harry mourned the loss of an excellent agent; the loss of trust, Eggsy’s look of betrayal burned on his retinas; and most of all, the loss of Eggsy, his brilliance and unwavering loyalty.


	2. Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ''Arthur had, of course, been right: Eggsy did make something of himself, but it was something no one had expected.''

Harry had sincerely believed that if enough time passed, he would recover. He had forbidden himself to check on Eggsy, to see how he was doing, if he was happy. He dedicated himself to Kingsman once again, bitter about Arthur’s decision, but desperate for distractions.

It had been nearly a year and Harry could almost enter the armoury in fitting room 3 without remembering how Eggsy had tried to steal one of the lighters. None of the new recruits were quite as good as Eggsy, but they showed promise, were decent enough agents and so life went on, with or without Eggsy.

\--

Arthur had, of course, been right: Eggsy did make something of himself, but it was something no one had expected.

One of the younger drivers, James, had a habit of listening to the radio in the car. Harry didn’t mind, James always kept the volume low enough that it was easy to tune the music out, but sometimes it provided a nice distraction from his thoughts. Modern pop music wasn’t all bad; sure, Harry would never actually listen to it at home, but most of it was pleasant enough, simple, slightly repetitive tunes designed to be palatable for as many people as possible.

Harry recognised some of the songs, although he couldn’t name any of the artists or bands, but one voice caught his attention.

Eggsy had had a habit of humming and singing nearly constantly. He had a good voice, slightly rough around the edges like the rest of him, because he had never received any training, but he seemed to naturally have a good ear for music. Harry remembered Eggsy’s tongue-in-cheek rendition of _The Rain in Spain_ – intercepted by Harry’s own wry exclamations of ‘’By George, I think he’s got it!’’ – and the way he had sung along to _The Show Must Go On_ , actually doing the song justice.

It was definitely Eggsy’s voice on the radio.

‘’James, do you know who’s singing that?’’ Harry asked.

‘’That’s Eggsy Unwin, sir, he’s fairly new. Pretty good, though, isn’t he?’’

Harry hummed in response. ‘’Turn it up a bit louder, will you?’’

James complied and Harry could now make out the words Eggsy was singing. By some cruel twist of fate, they were about love and loss.

\--

Harry knocked on the door of Lancelot’s office.

‘’Come in!’’

‘’Lancelot,’’ he said as he let himself in and closed the door behind him. He didn’t resent Roxanne for becoming Lancelot, because she won the place fair and square, but he would be lying if he said that he didn’t want to see Eggsy in her place.

She looked surprised to see Harry in her office. ‘’Galahad. How can I help you?’’

‘’Lancelot – ‘’ Harry began before pausing to consider the situation. ‘’May I call you Roxanne? I’m not here on official business.’’

‘’Roxy, please. Take a seat.’’

Harry sat down opposite her. ‘’Call me Harry, then.’’

Roxy nodded and clasped her hands on the table, looking at Harry attentively.

‘’Roxy, did you – did you know that Eggsy’s apparently started a music career?’’ Harry knew her answer before she voiced it, because she looked taken aback for a moment before her mouth twisted into a wry smile.

‘’I did.’’

‘’And is he – successful? James told me he’s a new artist.’’

Roxy considered her words for a moment. ‘’He’s gaining popularity,’’ she said eventually, her words calculated.

‘’You don’t have to be that careful with me, Roxy. I can handle it.’’

‘’Gala – Harry, I nearly cried the first time his song showed up on my Spotify.’’

‘’Oh.’’ Harry knew that they had been close during the training, but he wasn’t expecting that.

‘’Yeah.’’

‘’And the others? Was I the last to know?’’

‘’The tech department knows, those who remember him, anyway. Most of the knights know. The new recruits don’t know about his time in Kingsman, though.’’

‘’Right.’’

They sat in silence for a while.

‘’Are you alright, Harry?’’ Roxy asked eventually.

‘’I honestly don’t know. I have been avoiding checking up on him, but I guess he’s going to be everywhere.’’

‘’He’s the face of Adidas. There’s a giant picture of him in Piccadilly.’’

‘’Dear God.’’

Roxy nodded sympathetically. ‘’He deserves it, though.’’

‘’Of course he does. I knew he would achieve success, but I didn’t think it’d be like this,’’ Harry confessed.

‘’What did you think he was going to do?’’

Harry thought about it. ‘’I thought he might try to pursue a military career again. Perhaps go to university, although I have no idea what he would study.’’

‘’IT, maybe. I’m still bitter that he got maximum points on the maths and logic exam while I was one short,’’ said Roxy with a small smile.

Harry laughed. ‘’Well, I better go, I’ve taken up enough of your time,’’ he said and stood up. ‘’Thank you, Roxy.’’

‘’It’s alright, Harry. But – I’m here if you ever want to talk again. You’re not the only one who thinks Arthur made a mistake, you know.’’

Harry acknowledged her words with a small nod. ‘’I know, Roxy.’’

\--

_‘’Gary ‘’Eggsy’’ Unwin (born 6 September 1991) is an English singer and songwriter. He was signed to Asylum Records in early 2016 after gaining popularity with his covers on YouTube. His first single_ Better _debuted at number five on the UK Singles Chart on 4 March 2016.’’_

_‘’Unwin has received no formal musical or vocal training, but has said that since launching his professional career, he has been working with a voice coach and has started taking piano lessons._

_Unwin started posting song covers on YouTube in July 2015. In late September, his cover of Sam Smith’s_ Stay With Me _reached 1 million views and gained the attention of several record producers. Unwin began performing and posting original songs in December 2015. He announced on his Twitter that he had been signed to Asylum Records on 15 January 2016._

_Unwin’s first official single_ Better _was released on 27 February 2016._ Better _was well received by critics, with many complementing Unwin’s voice and lyrics, and debuted at number five on the UK Singles Chart._

_Unwin’s first studio album is expected to be released in September 2016.’’_

Harry leaned back in his chair and stared at Eggsy’s picture on the Wikipedia page. He was smiling in the photo, looking nothing like the betrayed young man Harry saw last. The memory tugged painfully at Harry’s heart. It had taken half a day to undo all the hard work that had gone into letting Eggsy go. And then, because Harry was a masochist, he opened YouTube in a new tab and typed ‘’Eggsy Unwin’’ into the search bar.

The first video was the music video for _Better_. Before Harry could stop himself, he clicked on the black and white thumbnail and watched enraptured, as the camera followed Eggsy around an empty flat while he sang to a lost lover.

_They say it’s better to have loved and lost_  
than to never have loved at all  
Well it’s living in a limbo,  
forever caught in mid-fall,  
I’d rather have lost  
without having loved at all

The comments were full on people relating to the lyrics and Harry wondered if any one of them could imagine how true those words rang to _him_? It’d be much easier if he hadn’t loved Eggsy or if he – if he was honest with himself – didn’t love him still.

He wondered if Eggsy somehow knew, if he had a vague memory, if he had ever had a dream about Harry. It was unlikely, but Harry’s brain was trying hard to figure out what had inspired the song, grasping at straws to find some connection to himself, because a small, vicious part of him wished that the song was somehow about him, that Eggsy was suffering, too. Harry slammed his laptop shut, took off his glasses and pressed the heels of his hands on his eyes.

_No_. Eggsy deserved better and whoever he was singing about was probably much more worthy of Eggsy’s love than Harry could ever be, not after he had betrayed Eggsy like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am never going to become a lyricist. And yes, the fic title is the title of Eggsy's debut single. And yes, his rise to fame has been awfully quick. And no, I have no idea how the music industry works. 
> 
> Find me on tumblr: [eggmuffinwrites](http://eggmuffinwrites.tumblr.com/)


	3. Bad Boy with the Golden Voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy struggles with memory problems and unwanted attention from tabloids.

Sometimes, Eggsy couldn’t believe his life. Less than a year ago, he had been trying to figure out what to do with his time and now it was mostly being decided for him by his team of managers and wranglers, who were responsible for getting him to the right place at the right time.

V-Day had scrambled his brains, because he didn’t remember shit from before the mayhem. He assumed that he’d gotten decked hard over the head, but he had no hospital records or nothing. Then again, not everyone did, because according to the Internet, the world was a right mess and recording the injuries of every single person who eventually found their way to a hospital was too much work.

He did remember calling in the favour his dad’s squad had promised his mum to get out of having to serve time for the stupid thing with Rottie’s car, and had – according to a contract he didn’t remember signing – received a flat and an allowance.

Sometime in July, a few months after V-Day, bored out of his mind and unable to find work because of his ‘’amnesia’’, Eggsy had decided that he couldn’t turn freerunning into a job, so he should make use of his other talent. He could sing pretty well and mum had even tried to get him to join a choir or take lessons, but he was always more into gymnastics.

Eggsy had no idea how people actually started their singing careers, but it wouldn’t hurt to get his material out there, right? He couldn’t really play at open mic nights, because a) he didn’t really have any original material yet (besides a couple of lines here and there) and b) he couldn’t actually play an instrument. So he watched some basic singing techniques videos on YouTube and practiced in the shower a lot before borrowing a decent microphone and camera via a Gumtree ad and recording a cover of _Stay With Me_. It went down pretty well and after getting his own gear and putting out a few more videos, actual record producers were contacting him. The rest, as they say, is history.

\--

For some reason, Eggsy always thought of spies when he saw an issue of _The Sun_. He couldn’t figure out why, because it made no fucking sense, but whenever he glanced at the front cover of the tabloid, all he could think of was bombs and assassinations. Eggsy guessed that he’d seen it in a movie once, a spy reading _The Sun_ , or something, because there was no other explanation.

Either way, as he stared at his own face at the cover of _The Sun_ , all he could think of was spies, with _What in the fresh hell?!_ coming close second.

He looked stupid in the picture, some random shot a paparazzo had snapped. Tired, frowning, probably on his way to the studio or something; not his best look, to be honest. ‘’THE BAD BOY WITH THE GOLDEN VOICE’’ declared the text next to the photo, caps lock, white on black and everything.

Eggsy opened the paper and began to read out loud: ‘’Eggsy Unwin may have the voice of an angel, but don’t let his sweet words and soulful eyes fool you – behind his carefully cultivated and curated public persona is a delinquent with a bad boy past. From running drugs to carjacking, this crooner isn’t as clean cut as his record label would have you believe.’’.

He stopped and lowered the paper. Looking up at Hannah, his publicist, he asked, ‘’This is – bad, yeah?’’.

Only half of it was true, though – yes, he had a criminal record for both drug running and carjacking (among other things), but his ‘’public persona’’ wasn’t half as carefully cultivated or curated as _The Sun_ claimed. He had never intentionally hidden his past and neither had Asylum Records; he kept his South London accent and had even mentioned that he didn’t remember shit from V-Day on Twitter. He wasn’t proud of his rap sheet, but in the estates, you had to do what you had to do, not that it mattered to the middle class arsewipes who secretly read _The Sun_ and rest of the rags.

Hannah thought about it for a moment and Eggsy waited with bated breath. ‘’Not necessarily,’’ she said eventually. ‘’You’ve got a single coming out soon, getting some free publicity might be just what we need. Besides – you’re hardly the first singer with a rap sheet. People have come back from worse things. We just have to choose our next words very carefully to keep people on your side.’’

Eggsy sighed defeatedly. While he enjoyed his music career and realised how god damn lucky he was, this was the part he hated. He’d have to ‘’choose his words carefully’’ and ‘’calculate his next move’’ to keep the tabloids off his back. All the really wanted to do was to make music, now that he had discovered this side of himself. Then again, Eggsy knew that everything came at a price and his price was having to play someone else in public.

‘’What do you have in mind?’’ he asked and sunk back in his chair.

‘’I don’t think we need an official announcement, a tweet will do. Something about how crime has been a part of your past, but you’ve turned your life around now and want to be a positive role model for other kids like you.’’

_Huh_. Eggsy could get behind that. No apologies, because he had done his community service and put his past behind him. He didn’t need to apologise to his critics, nor did he owe anyone an explanation, just like Hannah said: he’d turned his life around and hoped to be an inspiration for others like him, which was true.

Thing was, Eggsy really wished that his memory wasn’t fucked, because he had turned his life around for a reason, he was sure of it, he just didn’t remember what the reason was. Maybe the people behind the medal and the favour had talked some sense into him. Or maybe all he had needed was a chance to prove himself, a chance to stop running drugs to keep the roof over his head for long enough to try something else. Still, the blank in his memory left Eggsy scratching his head.

‘’Yeah, alright,’’ he said to Hannah. ‘’I can do that.’’

Hannah flipped the cover off her iPad with a frighteningly efficient _clap_ and got to work. ‘’Don’t worry, Eggsy,’’ she said, not looking up from her tablet, ‘’this is minor. I’ve handled worse problems; at least you weren’t photographed snorting coke off of someone’s tits.’’

Eggsy cracked a smile for the first time since seeing his face on the cover of _The Sun_. ‘’Thought I’d save that for when my album comes out.’’

Hannah shot him a murderous gaze. ‘’Don’t you fucking dare, Unwin. Now, don’t forget, you’ve a fitting at Kingsman at 11 tomorrow.’’

‘’Yeah, I know,’’ Eggsy replied absently as he stood up and threw the paper into the trash where it belonged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I was going to write the entire fic from Harry's POV, but then I kind of wanted to include Eggsy ending up on the front page of The Sun somehow, and then I thought that I might try to tackle it from Eggsy's POV.   
> Also, a fitting at Kingsman? Oh my
> 
> Find me on tumblr: [eggmuffinwrites](http://eggmuffinwrites.tumblr.com/)


	4. Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry comes back from a mission and bumps into someone he hadn't expected.

Harry stared at the newspaper in the Kingsman HQ’s breakroom and wished that he could step right back on the plane and fly back to New York and then to Iceland or maybe to a remote corner of Canada. He wasn’t picky, really, just as long as he didn’t have to exist in the same time zone with yesterday’s issue of _The Sun_.

Eggsy’s face stared back at him, tired and serious, much like the mugshot from his file from all that time ago. ‘’THE BAD BOY WITH THE GOLDEN VOICE,’’ declared the headline and Harry was sure that he had never actually wanted to kill a journalist before. The fact that they would reduce Eggsy down to his past and one lucky but arbitrary side effect of genetics was enough to make Harry’s blood boil.

Harry was broken out of his reverie when the door opened and Merlin stepped in. ‘’Ah, you’ve found the papers then,’’ he said when he spotted the tabloid open on the table in front of Harry.

‘’I might break tradition and not hang this one up.’’ Harry wouldn’t mind hanging up a picture of Eggsy, but not like this. Back when he dared to think about those things, when he didn’t quite comprehend the sheer depth of his feelings for Eggsy, he’d imagined himself one day framing a photo of the two of them together, taken at a vacation to somewhere warm, and hanging it up in the living room of _their_ home. Foolish and sentimental, yes, but against his better judgement, Harry had always been a sentimental man.

‘’Really?’’ asked Merlin as he made his way to the coffee machine.

Harry hummed in affirmation. ‘’I don’t think I need a reminder of – ‘’ He stopped himself, unsure if it was the wisest idea to tell Merlin. His friend knew what Eggsy had meant – still meant – to him; he had been watching while Harry wiped Eggsy’s memory, after all. But perhaps Merlin didn’t need to hear Harry’s thoughts; that Harry might as well hang Lee Unwin’s dead body in his office if he wanted a reminder of how he had failed and betrayed Eggsy.

Merlin looked at him, brow furrowed in concern. ‘’Harry – ‘’

‘’Leave it, Merlin. I’m being old and foolish.’’ Harry closed the newspaper and thought about finding the nearest paper shredder, but decided against it, flipping it over so that the front cover faced the table. ‘’You’re sending the recruits clubbing tonight, yes?’’

Merlin set his coffee down and regarded Harry over his glasses. His look clearly said that he knew exactly that Harry was trying to evade the topic and that he’d allow it just this once. ‘’Yes,’’ he said. ‘’Antoine from the European division is acting as the mark. Let the pups have a bit of international excitement.’’

‘’I’m sure they’ll have fun. Especially when they wake up tied to the train tracks.’’

‘’It’s a grimy warehouse and a ticking bomb this time. Arthur and I thought we should shake things up a bit.’’

Harry chuckled. Merlin had always had so much fun with bringing spy movie clichés to life. ‘’Charming. Well, I ought to get going. I haven’t been home in a week and I’m afraid my plants may not have reacted well to the lack of care.’’

‘’I’m sure your roses are fine, Harry. Don’t forget that you’re due for a re-evaluation soon. Best get it out of the way ASAP.’’

Harry picked up his holdall and nodded. ‘’Will do. Have a nice day, Merlin.’’

‘’You too.’’

Harry spent the tube ride to London catching up on the news on his phone, carefully avoiding the entertainment sections. The political landscapes of both the US and the UK were a mess, nationalism was rearing its head in continental Europe in response to the refugee crisis. Not for the first time, Harry wished that some evil mastermind would succeed and wipe humankind from the face of the Earth. Thousands of years of evolution and innovation and despite all of the achievements, the world was still going to shit. He might have had his disagreements with Richmond Valentine, but Harry had to agree with him on one account – mankind was a virus.

Closing his eyes, Harry tried to think of happier, more pleasant things. A bath and a glass of good bourbon waiting for him at home. Coelho’s latest book he hadn’t yet had time to read. The wedding invitation from a distant relative, no doubt sent out of obligation rather than a genuine wish to see Harry at the wedding, but a nice gesture nevertheless. He ought to respond as soon as possible; decline, of course, but wish the happy couple all the best. After all, love was a good thing worth celebrating, wasn’t it?

He was fully aware that his views on love had been thoroughly tainted by his career, past experiences, and most of all, Eggsy. Loving him wasn’t hard; he was handsome and clever, caring and loyal to a fault. And he had loved Harry back. What’s more – he’d had the courage to confess, even when he didn’t know whether his feelings would be reciprocated. Harry loved Eggsy more than anyone or anything else, of course, and yet… Mutual feelings were never a guarantee that everything would work out.

With a weary sigh, Harry picked up his bag as the bullet train came to a halt and the door opened. He was greeted with the sight of Percival waiting at the lobby. ‘’Good morning, Harry.’’

‘’Good morning. Going travelling?’’ Harry asked, nodding towards the small suitcase Percival was carrying.

Percival nodded. ’’Paris. They wanted to put me on the Eurostar, but I managed to persuade Arthur to allow me to use the jet. I can’t stand trains.’’ He climbed into the shuttle and made a what-can-you-do gesture to Harry.

Harry chuckled politely, wished him safe travels and turned to go.

‘’Oh, and Harry? There’s some celebrity in the shop and a horde of very excited fangirls out front.’’

Harry turned back to Percival in askance, but the other man just shrugged. ‘’I didn’t see who, but they must be popular.’’ Harry had rather hoped that it’d be quiet in the shop, but it wouldn’t be the first time some actor had come for a fitting. Getting out would be slightly more difficult, but he’d manage.

There was indeed more noise coming from the shop, Harry noticed as he went down the stairs. Andrew was standing at the till and Harry’s favourite tailor Robin was talking a client through fabrics in the corner. Through the shop window, Harry could see a group of people milling about on the street, cameras and phones in hand. ‘’Good morning, Andrew,’’ greeted Harry, looking around to see if any of the fitting rooms were occupied by the mysterious celebrity.

‘’Sir,’’ said Andrew quietly and looked like he’d wanted to say more, but they had attracted the attention of Robin and the client, who turned around to look towards Harry.

It was Eggsy. Harry hadn’t recognised him from the back because he was dressed differently, his jeans and jumper were much more tightfitting than the casual clothes Harry remembered him wearing. His hair was shorter, too, but it was him, as handsome as ever from his slightly parted lips to the little nick in his eyebrow. He was simply breath-taking; even if seeing him brought back memories of their last encounter. Harry realised he was staring, but he noticed that Eggsy was staring right back at him. He cleared his throat when Robin looked at him apologetically. Of course, Robin must remember Eggsy, he had even worked on Eggsy’s first suit.

‘’Mr. Unwin, this is Harry Hart, one of our senior tailors,’’ Robin said, leading Eggsy towards the till. ‘’Harry, this is Eggsy Unwin, a first time client.’’

‘’Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Unwin. I hope Robin has made your first fitting a pleasant experience,’’ said Harry as levelly as he could manage. As he shook hands with Eggsy, he was torn between wanting to pull away and pull him closer.

Eggsy regarded him curiously, as if he was trying to read Harry, who forced himself to be calm. ‘’Have we met?’’ he asked, voice sincere and curiousity written over his face.

Only decades of training and experience stopped Harry from showing his surprise. _Yes. Yes, we have and there’s a reason you don’t remember, but you have changed me more you could ever understand_ , Harry wanted to say. Instead he cocked his head slightly. ‘’I don’t believe we have.’’

‘’I swear I’ve seen you somewhere.’’

Robin looked at Harry with alarm in his eyes and Harry gave both him and Eggsy a tightlipped smile. ‘’I’m sure I would remember.’’

‘’Mr. Unwin, is there anything else I can do for you?’’ asked Robin and Harry was grateful for the distraction. He looked at Andrew who was sporting the same apologetic and slightly alarmed look. He turned his back towards Eggsy and Robin and signed: _I’m sorry for not warning you_. Harry dismissed it with a wave of his hand and turned his attention back to Eggsy almost involuntarily.

‘’Do you have a second exit?’’ Eggsy was asking. ‘’It’s just – ‘’ He gestured to the window and the fangirls outside. ‘’I hate to disappoint them, but I don’t know how they found out in the first place.’’

‘’Certainly,’’ said Robin.

Before he could stop himself, Harry spoke up. ‘’I’ll escort you. Do you have a car waiting?’’

As Eggsy turned to Harry, the concern on Robin’s face morphed, his features tensed and he creased his eyebrows, wordlessly questioning Harry’s actions. If he was completely honest, Harry didn’t know what he was doing, but the words were already said and he couldn’t take them back now.

‘’I thought I’d get a taxi.’’

‘’If you’ll follow me, you ought to be able to catch one further down the road.’’

Eggsy smiled thankfully. ‘’Right, good.’’

Harry waited as Eggsy bid goodbye to Robin and Andrew and then gestured him to follow. He led Eggsy out through the backrooms, wondering if Eggsy recognised anything, if he found the place familiar like he seemed to recognise Harry.

‘’It’s a fancy place, never been anywhere like this,’’ Eggsy commented as they went made their way to the rarely used back entrance.

‘’We do call ourselves _Kings_ man for a reason, Mr. Unwin,’’ replied Harry.

‘’Call me Eggsy, please. ‘’Mr. Unwin’’ makes it sound like I’m someone important.’’

Harry’s hand paused on the door handle. _Oh, Eggsy, you have no idea how important you are_ , he thought. _You saved the world_. He pushed the door open with more force than necessary. ‘’The fans out front wouldn’t be there if you weren’t important.’’

‘’No, I mean – important like a politician or something. Not a singer.’’

‘’Art, Eggsy, is important in all its forms and artists are just as important as politicians and heads of state, if not more so.’’

They stepped onto the street just as a taxi approached and Harry flagged it down. ‘’Thank you, Mr. Hart,’’ Eggsy said as he opened the door, ‘’for getting me out and the… stuff you said just now.’’

‘’You’re welcome. Good day, Eggsy.’’

Harry stood at the curb and watched as the taxi drove away. His heart ached at the thought that Eggsy didn’t think himself important, while the fact that Eggsy seemed to somehow remember his face made him feel excited. For a moment, he could fool himself and almost forget the way he had felt seeing Eggsy’s face on the cover of _The Sun_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is brought to you by Taron Egerton's skinny jeans, because they will be my undoing sooner or later. 
> 
> Find me on tumblr: [eggmuffinwrites](http://eggmuffinwrites.tumblr.com/)


	5. Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy goes seeking for answers. Who is Harry Hart and why does he look so familiar?

Sinking into the backseat of the cab, Eggsy wrote a quick tweet apologising to his fans for not meeting them at Kingsman before googling Harry Hart. He was sure he’d seen the man before, and it wasn’t just wishful thinking, because the man was well fit, but he was genuinely convinced that they had met before.

The whole experience at Kingsman had been surreal, both unfamiliar and familiar at once, as if he’d seen the place in a dream before. The vague familiarity of the shop was easy to explain, though; the décor had exactly the old-fashioned aesthetic that Eggsy had _expected_ from a place called Kingsman. The fans outside the shop had been a complete surprise and Eggsy really had no idea how they had found out. He did feel bad for escaping, but he really hadn’t been in the mood to deal with that many people. The whole process of getting measured for a suit had been weird and a little bit uncomfortable, but the tailor – Robin – had been pretty understanding about Eggsy’s inexperience. All in all, the people were nice and no one had tried to strangle him with a measuring tape; he’d even been offered tea or ‘’something stronger’’. If that was the way they treated everyone, being their client wasn’t half bad. And then there was Harry Hart.

Unfortunately, the man didn’t seem to be a fan of social media or had all his accounts on private, because none of the results on Google were him. Kingsman’s website didn’t hold any answers either. Eggsy closed Safari on his phone and looked out of the window without really seeing anything. He liked to think that he had a pretty good memory for faces, even if he had a blank spanning several months, so Eggsy didn’t think that he was confusing Hart with someone else. To be honest, he had no idea where or how or when they could have met, but he _knew_ that they had. The thought sat uncomfortably in his mind; it was kind of like having a word at the tip of your tongue, frustrating and vexing.

\--

His mum picked up on the first ring. ‘’Hey, babe.’’

‘’Hi, mum. You alright?’’

‘’I’m good. And you? At the studio again?’’

Eggsy leaned on the kitchen table and looked at the photo of his dad in front of him. He’d been frustrated when he got back home, racking his brain trying to figure out why Hart had seemed so familiar. It had taken him a while to realise that he’d never asked his mum what he had been up to in the months he didn’t remember. Maybe she’d be able to give him some clues. ‘’Nah, I’m home. Had a suit fitting today, proper fancy stuff. Listen, mum, I wanted to ask something. You know I don’t remember what happened between getting arrested for that shit with Rottie’s car and April last year, yeah? What was I doing all that time? ‘Cuz I remember calling in that favour dad’s old squad promised us and the next thing I know is that I wake up in the new flat.’’

His mum sighed at the other end of the phone. ‘’I don’t know either, love. They bailed you out and then you went away for ages, they offered you a job or something, you had to do all this training, only called me a few times.’’

‘’And V-day, where was I, d’ya know?’’

‘’Not really. Didn’t see you until a week or so after, came back in a proper suit, you did, took care of Dean and all. But then I guess that job didn’t work out in the end, ‘cause you didn’t go back and then… Well, then you lost your memory.’’

Eggsy gripped the edge of the table so hard that his knuckles turned white. ‘’That doesn’t make any sense.’’

‘’I know, love,’’ said mum, her voice sympathetic. ‘’But you know, memory is weird, all that brain stuff is; it’s so easy to mess all your wiring up. You remember old lady Jones? She was in an accident and couldn’t remember anything after. Woke up each morning without knowing what she did yesterday, poor woman.’’

‘’Yeah, mum, but that’s nothing like what happened to me.’’

‘’But I’m just saying, Eggsy. Even them scientists don’t know how memory works sometimes.’’

‘’Yeah,’’ he said weakly. ‘’Alright, mum. I gotta go. Bye.’’

‘’Take care, love.’’

Eggsy hung up, more confused than before. Training? What had he been training _for_? Mum said that he’d come back in a suit and as far as Eggsy could remember, he had never worn a suit in his life. But maybe that was where he’d met Hart, because he was a tailor. Then again, why would Hart lie about not having met Eggsy before? Maybe he didn’t remember him. Maybe Eggsy had seen Hart, but Hart hadn’t seen him? But they must have actually spoken, because good memory for faces or not, Hart had somehow seemed much more familiar than a passing glance or chance encounter would warrant.

Eggsy sighed heavily, letting his whole body sag with the expulsion of breath, and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. None of this made any sense and talking to his mum had just raised more questions. _Fuck it_ , he thought, _I need a drink_.

\--

Eggsy awoke with a start, snapping out of sleep suddenly with his dream fresh on his mind.

_‘’Who’re you?’’_

_‘’The man who got you released.’’_

_‘’That ain’t an answer.’’_

_‘’A little gratitude would be nice,’’ said Harry Hart calmly._

Dreams were weird, Eggsy knew that, they took random places and events and people and pasted them all together into nonsensical scenarios, but this one had felt so real, more like a memory than a dream. Still, it didn’t make sense, but it did spur Eggsy to action.

He scrambled to find his medal from his bedside drawer and dialled the number on the back. ‘’This line is no longer in use,’’ said the pre-recorded message and Eggsy slumped back on his pillow, feeling like a right pillock. He didn’t know what he had expected.

It was still early, barely quarter past five, but Eggsy was too wired and restless to go back to sleep. Risking his neighbours’ wrath, he got up and went to his piano in the living room, found the hardest piece his teacher had given him and started to play louder and with far more force than necessary, taking all of his frustration out on the keys.

\--

Eggsy wished that he’d planned all this a bit better. Or well, that he’d told Hannah not to schedule his psychologist appointment right after his interview and photoshoot with _The Guardian_ , because he’s started to doubt if he could actually talk that much in a single day.

The waiting room was sleek and meticulously clean, even the magazines had been arranged in a neat stack instead of the haphazard piles Eggsy had seen in NHS-funded clinics. The atmosphere made Eggsy feel a little uncomfortable, like he and his messy thoughts and feelings had no place there. Still, he forced himself to breathe and be chill, because he’d had this appointment for 2 weeks and Hannah had assured him that Dr Morrison was the best neuropsychologist in London (he’d better be, given his rate by the hour).

After his furious piano practice a few weeks ago, Eggsy had finally decided that it would probably be a good idea to seek professional help. He hadn’t done that before, because he was fairly sure his memory loss was somehow caused by V-day, but the whole thing with Harry Hart and what his mum had said about the job and the training had made him curious and desperate to remember something, _anything_. So he’d called Hannah and asked her to find him someone who could help and now here he was, feeling nervous and more than a bit foolish.

The door opened and a prim looking bloke poked his head out. ‘’Gary Unwin? Come in.’’

Eggsy stood abruptly, nearly pushing the neat stack of magazines over, and followed the man in, trying to wipe his sweaty palms on his jeans in case the doctor wanted to shake hands. Fortunately he just indicated Eggsy to take a seat and he did, sinking into the black leather chair as Dr Morrison took a seat opposite Eggsy. The office was much like the waiting room, all light tones and clean lines, but there was a whimsical collection of souvenir snow globes lined up on one shelf. _Mum used to collect snow globes_ , thought Eggsy, _wonder what happened to them_.

Dr Morrison caught him staring. ‘’Admiring my collection?’’ he asked with a hint of humour in his voice. ‘’I’ve a tradition, I bring one back from every conference I attend.’’ He placed a new sheet of paper onto his clipboard and scribbled something on the top of the page. ‘’Now then, do you mind if I call you Gary or would you prefer Mr. Unwin?’’

‘’Gary is fine,’’ Eggsy croaked out.

‘’Gary it is. I’m Dr Morrison, I’ve been working in neuropsychology for thirteen years and I specialise in memory loss. Before we start, I want you to know that anything you say in this office is confidential and will remain between you and me. Now, let’s get started. Tell me why you’re here.’’

Eggsy took a deep breath and tried to find the right words. He should’ve prepared a bit better for this. ‘’Well, I – I have this huge blank in my memory. From… August 2014 to around April 2015. I always thought it was because I got hit over the head during V-day or something, so I didn’t seek help sooner, but recently I’ve been starting to think about it more, because I think I’m sort of remembering some stuff.’’

Dr Morrison nodded thoughtfully. ‘’Tell me about the last thing you remember from August 2014 and the first thing from April 2015.’’

‘’Um, I was… I was arrested in August and I – ‘’ Eggsy hesitated. Saying that he called a number on the back of a medal to cash in a favour made him sound like he was mental. Then again, he kind of was. ‘’I was bailed out. That’s the last thing I remember, calling my dad’s old – old friend and getting bailed out. The first thing… I woke up in my flat. Literally, I woke up on the couch one day and it was pretty late so I just went to bed proper and then I woke up the next morning, and I remember everything clearly after that.’’

‘’Did you have any physical symptoms after you woke up? Headaches, nausea, that kind of stuff?’’

Eggsy racked his brain and wished he’d come to a doctor sooner. ‘’I don’t think so? I mean – I remember being like… Groggy when I first woke up. But then I went back to sleep and I don’t remember feeling nauseous or anything the next morning.’’

Dr Morrison wrote something down. ‘’It’s a pretty tough case, Gary, because so much time has passed. You said that you think you’re starting to remember some things. What things?’’

‘’I met someone recently and I was sure that I’d seen him before and I think we must have first met during the time I don’t remember. I have a pretty good memory for faces and I was sure that I’d seen him before.’’ Eggsy paused, gathering his thoughts. ‘’And, uh – this is gonna sound mental, but… Whenever I see _The Sun_ , like the paper, not the, y’know, star, I think of spies. I know it sounds weird, but I do. I think that I saw it in a movie, a spy reading _The Sun_ or something, ‘cause that’s the only explanation that makes sense, but I think I saw the movie during those months. But that’s gotta count as a memory or something, right?’’

‘’And when did you start remembering?’’

‘’Uhh – a couple of weeks, maybe a month ago?’’

‘’What about your family, friends? Have you asked them what you did during those months?’’

‘’Well, there’s only my mum and she said that I’d been offered a job by my dad’s old friends, the same ones that bailed me out, and I’d gone off to training, but she didn’t know what the job was or anything.’’

‘’What does your father do?’’

‘’Did. He’s dead, but he was a soldier.’’

‘’Ah, sorry.’’ Eggsy waved his hand dismissively and Dr Morrison continued: ‘’Is there a chance that the job and the training were somehow related to the military, to your father’s career?’’

Eggsy thought about it. That seemed like the most probable possibility, but it didn’t trigger a memory or anything. ‘’I don’t know. I doubt it, though, because my mum said that the first time she saw me after the ‘’training’’ or whatever, I was wearing a suit. I mean,’’ Eggsy gestured to his casual outfit of jeans and hoodie, ‘’I’m not big on suits, never have been.’’

Dr Morrison frowned down on this notes. ‘’Is there anything else you remember?’’

‘’Nope, that’s pretty much it.’’

‘’Now that is vexing,’’ said the doctor thoughtfully. Before he could stop himself, ‘’You don’t say,’’ slipped out of Eggsy’s mouth.

Dr Morrison offered him a smile. ‘’It’s a very difficult situation, Gary, because it really has been so long. It is possible that your memory loss is caused by Valentine’s signal; in fact, that was one of the most common side effects, we’ve had a lot of patients who don’t remember what they did or where they were on V-day. You mentioned that you think it’s the result of a physical trauma, which isn’t impossible, although the timeframe doesn’t make sense. In that case, your memories would be mostly intact from right after V-day, but you have a two month gap between the event and your first memories.’’

‘’Yeah, but d’you think it’s possible to get my memories back?’’

Dr Morrison regarded Eggsy for a long moment. ‘’The honest answer is that I don’t know. It’s promising that you’re starting to remember things, but your memories might never recover or they might become distorted. The memory is a fickle thing, Gary.’’

_You don’t say_ , thought Eggsy, but didn’t say it out loud this time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Eggsy, someone help him.   
> I feel like I should write more about Eggsy's music, but writing about music is so hard. At least I finally got to write a scene with a psychologist (I'm a psych student and I've wanted to include one in a fic for ages).   
> Find me on tumblr: [eggmuffinwrites](http://eggmuffinwrites.tumblr.com/)


	6. Eggsy from the Estates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry reads Eggsy's interview with Observer Magazine and reflects on his relationship with Eggsy.

‘’Your boy is in the papers again.’’

Harry nearly knocked over his tea when Merlin announced his presence and that piece of information unexpectedly. ‘’Christ, Merlin, could you not?’’ He adjusted his cuffs and sniffed indignantly, pretending that Merlin hadn’t just caught him by surprise.

‘’You’re getting old, Harry,’’ said Merlin and dropped the _Observer Magazine_ on Harry’s desk. ‘’Anyone could sneak up on you.’’

‘’I’ll have you know I’m a man in my prime, fresh and spry as a spring lamb.’’

Merlin snorted. Harry eyed the magazine hesitantly and sure enough, Eggsy was on the cover, caught mid-movement and looking stunning in his all black outfit.

‘’Besides, he’s very much not ‘’my boy’’, Merlin. And I thought you didn’t read the papers.’’

‘’I don’t. Roxy showed it to me, because she apparently follows him on Twitter.’’

Harry flipped the magazine face down on the desk and pushed it away from him. He really needed to finish his paperwork and he knew that he would get nowhere with it if he read the article. While he had stopped trying to purposely avoid everything to do with Eggsy, he was cautious about actually seeking him out. Eggsy had got under his skin, had somehow managed something that entire criminal syndicates and seasoned enemy agents had failed to do. He knew that reading the interview would render him useless for at least an hour, thoughts fixed on Eggsy and nothing else.

He fully expected Merlin to tease him, to drop some snarky comment about getting soft in his old age, and he was ready for it, his own acerbic retort ready at the tip of his tongue. A familiar exchange, trading insults that belied a deep camaraderie forged by decades of working and drinking together.

 So it took Harry completely by surprise when Merlin asked, ‘’Do you want me to take it away?’’

Harry faltered. He didn’t want it sitting on the corner of his desk, tempting and taunting him, but he didn’t want to have to go looking for it in Merlin’s office when he was finally ready to read it. ‘’No, it’s fine,’’ he said eventually. It was already on his mind, after all. He was an adult, a bloody Kingsman agent, for Christ’s sake, he could handle doing his paperwork with the magazine sitting on his desk, ready to be read once he was finished with the documents.

‘’If you’re sure.’’ Merlin looked at him over his glasses for a moment. ‘’Well, I’ll leave you to it then.’’

Harry made a show of turning back to his laptop, placing his fingers on the keyboard and staring at the screen intently. Merlin snorted and let himself out.

Relaxing a little, Harry cast one last look towards the magazine, sitting innocently on the desk. There was a perfume advert on the back cover, a black and white picture of a young man with floppy dark hair and intense expression leaning on a ledge of some sort. Briefly, Harry wondered if Eggsy still went for that aftershave he had worn during training, some horrid thing that assaulted the senses with its intensity and would have undoubtedly made Harry’s eyes water if he smelt it straight from the bottle.

Harry grabbed a folder and placed it on the magazine. There, out of sight, out of mind. It took some effort but soon Harry could concentrate on the paperwork again, and the thoughts of Eggsy stayed in the back of his mind, waiting for their turn.

\--

_Eggsy Unwin has an infectious smile and a slightly manic glint in his eyes when I meet him. ‘’I’m running on sugar and caffeine,’’ he says, bouncing his leg restlessly. ‘’That’s my excuse. If I say something stupid, just know that I’ve had about seven hours of sleep in the past two days.’’_

_Still, that doesn’t seem to bother the young singer too much. He is chatty and animated, gesticulating wildly as he talks, which is entertaining to watch, but I know that it will be hell trying to write it up later. I tell him as much and get a what-can-you-do gesture in return with a cheeky wink. Unwin promises to try to use his words, though. ‘’Ain’t never been too good with words.’’_

_I find that hard to believe, given that Unwin writes his own lyrics. He shrugs and chews at his lip as he thinks. ‘’Yeah, but song lyrics are different. You can write all sorts of rubbish and get away with it, because it’s… Poetic, or some sh– Wait, can I swear?’’_

_It’s the sincere and unguarded moments like these that have endeared Unwin to the public so much. Born and raised in South London, Unwin has seen his fair share of adversity and discrimination, yet he is unrepentantly confident, unwilling to deny or hide is past. He has a criminal record and was in training to become a Royal Marine before he quit, but he is adamant that his experiences have made him who he is today._

_‘’I think I’ve come a long way. I’m not proud of my past, but I’m proud of who I’ve become. I hope some kid looks at me and goes, ‘’If that bastard can do it, so can I’’. And I want my critics to take a good look at me and re-evaluate their views. I don’t want kids out there thinking that they can never turn their life around, that they ain’t good enough because some toff says so.’’_

_Unwin speaks with passion and conviction and there’s a hard edge to his voice that suggests that he would fight anyone who dares to disagree._

_‘’There’s this quote, it’s from Hemingway, I think. ‘’There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.’’ I don’t know how or why I know it, but I know it’s true.’’_

_Does that make him noble then?_

_‘’I don’t think it’s for me to decide.’’_

_Unwin has also been open about his memory – or lack thereof. He says that he can’t remember anything from around V-Day. Many would call him lucky for that._

_‘’I don’t doubt that it was horrible. I’ve read things, yeah, and they weren’t pretty. But I still want to remember. It’s like… You know when you get really drunk and can’t remember a thing in the morning? And you’re kind of glad, but there’s still that one part of you that really, really wants to know. You know, that part that makes you look at the pictures, even though you know that’s a bad idea. It’s like that.’’_

_With his second single_ Blame _firmly in the charts and his popularity rising, Unwin’s record label has decided to bring the release of his debut album forward. The still untitled album is out on the 28 th of July, just over a month from the publication of this interview. _

_‘’I’ve never worked as hard on anything in my life as I have on this album. This sounds really naff, but I’ve put so much of myself into it.’’_

_Unwin’s first single_ Better _was about love and loss, his second is about making mistakes, but both convey a sense of vulnerability. Is that the theme for the album?_

_‘’The album is about me,’’ he says with a grin. ‘’No, really, it’s… I don’t even know if there is a theme. It’s about my experiences, every song deals with something that I’ve been through. There’s a song about doing what’s right, about having to choose, because I’ve been there. There’s a song about trying to find your place in the world, because I’ve been there.’’_

_His year has been hectic so far, but it’s sure to get even busier once the album is out. Unwin insists that he enjoys it, and likes the sense of purpose it gives him. ‘’Makes me feel like a proper grownup and all,’’ he says, even when his playful streetwear might suggest otherwise._

_‘’This?’’ he asks, pointing to his Adidas jacket and Fred Perry polo. ‘’This is what I’ve always worn, just a little bit fancier. But I’m like JLo, I am.  I’ve grown but at the end of the day I’m still me. Jenny from the block. Eggsy from the estates.’’_

\--

It really shouldn’t have surprised Harry how clearly he could picture Eggsy talking. The way his heart clenched when Eggsy talked about the Hemingway quote should have come as even less of a surprise. He remembered that day, the morning and the night before, remembered how Eggsy had allowed himself to relax around Harry, remembered the relieved _Yes, Harry_ that fell from his lips when Harry had promised to teach him how to make a martini.

The pictures accompanying the article were all taken of Eggsy in motion. Someone had taken great care in choosing outfits that clung to his form enough to emphasise the movement of the muscles. In some pictures, Eggsy’s face was set in determination; in others, he was laughing, head thrown back in glee.

Harry spent a long time looking at the cover of the magazine, thinking of how it reflected his own relationship with Eggsy. The photo must have been taken mid-jump and Harry imagined Eggsy gaining momentum for it and leaping, before landing smoothly and carrying right on, never stopping, just like in life. Eggsy was constantly in motion, driven by the restless energy seeking an outlet, and the photographer and Harry had managed to pin him in place, to capture him for one brief but glorious moment. The photograph will be just one in thousands of attempts to capture Eggsy, just like Harry will be just one of the fools who fell in love with him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on tumblr: [eggmuffinwrites](http://eggmuffinwrites.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Gosh Harry, stop being so dramatic.   
> I am sorry for the lack of updates, but irl things happened and also I didn't really know what I wanted to include in this chapter, so it took me a while. It's a bit of a filler, but next chapter is going to have a bit of action, so I hope that makes up for it.   
> Easter eggs(y):  
> 1)The perfume ad is for [Valentino Uomo](http://lorpheus.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Louis-Garrel-by-David-Sims-valentino-uomo-fragrance.jpg), which is what Taron Egerton uses.  
> 2)If you're wondering what Eggsy's second single _Blame_ sounds like, then I can tell you that it is very much inspired by and meant to sound like [Human by Rag'n'Bone Man](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3wKzyIN1yk). I've also decided that Eggsy's general sound is a mix of him and Sam Smith.


	7. Slow Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day in the life of an up-and-coming pop star.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is- Is EggMuffin actually updating a fic for once? Well, fuck me.

Much to Eggsy’s annoyance, working with Dr Morrison hadn’t brought back any memories. All he knew was that he’d been offered a job which hadn’t worked out and that Harry Hart still seemed familiar as fuck. He had been to Kingsman for two fittings to see how his suit was coming along, but Hart had been absent both times. Eggsy tried not to be too disappointed, but it sometimes felt like the inexplicable familiarity of his face seemed to be the only connection he had to the months he couldn’t remember.

Or maybe he had completely lost the plot, which honestly sounded like the most logical explanation. Although, weren’t singers supposed to go bonkers _after_ becoming successful, not just before the release of their first album? Then again, Eggsy had never been one to do things the conventional way.

\--

‘’Alright, Eggsy. Let’s try that again.’’

Eggsy let his head fall against the wall with a dull thud. ‘’Ya really think the twenty-seventh time’s gonna be the charm?’’ he asked the director, making sure to sound as mockingly hopeful as he could. Still, he pushed himself away from the wall and walked back to the spot in the centre of the empty warehouse where he’d started at the beginning on the scene. He was all about being a little shit, but he didn’t actually want a reputation for being a _difficult_ little shit.

‘’It’s only the fifteenth take, Eggsy, man up. Rihanna never complained this much.’’

Eggsy pulled a face, but took his position dutifully and waited for the music to begin. Filming music videos for _Better_ and _Blame_ had been way less stressful, probably because the crew for both had only consisted of three people. But his album was dropping next week and the video for his third single, _Slow Night_ , was going to drop with it, and the label wanted to up the production value. Luckily, they’d listened when he protested against making a stupid 7-minute ‘’story’’ of it, because he wasn’t going to become one of those artists who uploaded ‘’artistic’’ short movies that only annoyed people who just wanted to listen to some music without a 3-minute monologue between the second chorus and the bridge.

The music started playing and Eggsy went through the entire second verse _once again_ , mouthing the words while kind of dance-walking from the centre of the warehouse towards the wall. It had been fun the first three times, but now, Eggsy just felt ridiculous.

He made it all the way to the wall and leaned against it mock casually, one leg bent at the knee. _3, 2, 1…_

‘’Cut!’’ yelled the director and Eggsy dropped his stupid half-smile. He didn’t even move from the position while the director and cameramen went over the clip. Luckily, this was the last of it; they’d done the crowd shots and now only needed this last scene. _Please, please let it be good enough_.

‘’Okay, I think we’ve got it. Good job, everyone!’’

Eggsy wanted to fall on his knees and weep in relief.

\--

Although he wasn’t making any progress, Eggsy still kept a memory diary as suggested by Dr Morrison. He’d written down anything he could remember from around V-Day and the most important bits before and after. But the diary was still depressingly empty, boasting only three filled pages and the jagged remains of a page that Eggsy had ripped out after he’d written down Harry Hart’s name and then decided that he was being stupid.

But he still wrote down every little thing that jogged his useless memory.

_20/07_

_I was on my way home from the shoot when I bumped into some bloke on the street. Taller than me, buzzcut, hoodie, but when he opened his mouth, I swear he sounded like the poshest twat I’ve ever heard. Told me to watch my step but then he got a good look at my face and he went, ‘’Eggy?!’’ like he couldn’t believe I existed?? I mean, close, bruv, but not my name, so I guess he wasn’t a fan or anything. But he looked real familiar. I’m like 99% sure that I’ve never had to deal with a posh fuck like him tho. He was with an older woman, red hair, looked like that actress from that one movie mum loves,_ Alice _or something? Anyway, he was acting all surprised and the woman kinda told him to shut up, but in a real nice way and said sorry to me and dragged him away. For some reason, my brain wants to lump him and Hart together, but idk why. Maybe the posh accent? Or maybe I met them both around V-Day?_

Eggsy didn’t bother worrying about his shit handwriting, because no one else was going to read it anyway. Even Dr Morrison just asked him if he’d remembered anything instead of asking to read the diary.

He swore the bloke looked familiar and they must have met, because the twat had recognised him too. Eggsy found himself wishing that the woman hadn’t dragged him away, because while he had instantly disliked the guy, he would’ve genuinely wanted to ask him how and when they had met. But that ship had sailed and all Eggsy had to show for it was an entry to his diary and another confusing lead.

\--

That night, Eggsy had a dream about the same bloke, but they were in the Marines together. Only this was a warped, distorted version of the training, with siren suits instead of customary fatigues, and _puppies_. They were running around a muddy track, with the bloke gaining distance on him with every step. Suddenly, the track ran out and instead Eggsy found himself teetering on the edge of a cliff before falling off. He landed on his back and when he looked up, the cliff had transformed into a train platform. The bloke was standing on the platform, grinning down at Eggsy like a shark and when Eggsy woke up with a start, he could still hear the sound of an approaching train in his ears.

Eggsy didn’t know what any of that meant. Having accidentally blinded himself by shining the bright light of his phone screen straight into his eyes like a fucking idiot, he pressed his face into the pillow and seriously thought about screaming. But his vocal coach would probably have his balls if he risked damaging his voice, so instead he lay in the silent darkness and reflected on how his life had come to this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I may have said that there'd be action in chapter 7, but the action has been postponed in favour of introspection and music video shoots. (There'll be action in chapter 8 I promise I've already got like... 40% of it written for real)  
> Also oh my god who could that tall posh twat with a buzzcut be?? We just don't know (or do we?).  
> And if you're wondering what ''Slow Nights'' sounds like, I'd just like you to know that I've been listening to [Slow Hands](https://https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBmNcLBaPUE/) by Niall Horan on repeat for the past week. 
> 
> Find me on tumblr: [eggmuffinwrites](https://eggmuffinwrites.tumblr.com/)


	8. Heat and Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry runs into Eggsy again and discovers that the amnesia dart hadn't worked quite as well as they'd thought.

Summers in London were always nearly unbearable. Heatwaves came and went, leaving the city sticky, stuffy and sweaty. It was equally horrible at noon and in the evening and Harry was not in the best of moods. He’d landed in Heathrow two hours ago and only wished to go home and sleep, but the weapons needed to be returned to the armoury and it seemed that Arthur also wanted to have a chat with him. Harry didn’t know what about, but he was fairly certain that it could hold until tomorrow. Alas, one did not turn down an invitation ‘’for tea and pleasant conversation’’ from the king himself.

To complicate matters further – for better or for worse, he couldn’t tell – when he stepped out from fitting room three, he found himself face to face with Eggsy again. He was wearing a bright orange velvet tuxedo, and on anyone else, it would have looked simply ridiculous, but on Eggsy, it looked stunning. Vibrant and unexpected, like Eggsy himself.

Robin was showing Eggsy how to fold a pocket square, but they both looked up when the door closed behind Harry.

‘’Hello, Harry,’’ said Robin and if Harry was not mistaken, his cheery tone had an edge to it, as if he was trying to warn Harry not to try anything stupid like the last time.

Harry sent him a tight smile. _I won’t_. ‘’Good day, Robin. Mr. Unwin.’’

‘’It’s still Eggsy.’’ The young man grinned at him and gave a twirl with his arms spread out. ‘’How do I look?’’

_Gorgeous._ ‘’Splendid, Eggsy. A bold choice, if I may say so.’’

‘’Too bright for you?’’

‘’For me, yes. But for you, perfect. Bright young things like yourself shouldn’t restrict yourselves to black and navy and grey; you have your whole life to dress in neutral colours, but you can only wear an orange velvet tuxedo and still look good when you’re young. Take risks and be bold while you still can, Eggsy. After forty it just looks like you’re trying too hard and that’s not a good look on anyone.’’

Eggsy positively _beamed_ at him and even Robin seemed to approve of his words. ‘’Mr. Hart is right, Eggsy. There’s a reason why he’s one of our most sought-after tailors.’’

‘’So I guess I should book you next time I need a suit.’’

Harry found himself at loss for words. The prospect of taking Eggsy’s measurements and making a suit to fit him perfectly was both exciting and frightening. Luckily – or unluckily, he still couldn’t decide – agents never actually had to make suits, let alone for civilian customers.

Robin came to Harry’s rescue. ‘’I’m afraid Mr. Hart is fully booked and rarely takes on new clients.’’

Harry thought he saw Eggsy’s face fall for a moment, but he couldn’t be sure. He tried to tell himself that it’s for the best if he doesn’t have too much contact with Eggsy. After all, he seemed to have moved on and was doing well for himself. He didn’t even remember who Harry was, or that it was Harry who took his memory. Harry might have been a selfish, impulsive man, but he wouldn’t undo a year’s worth of progress just because he was still smitten like an old fool.

‘’Just you wait,’’ said Eggsy, now grinning again, cheeky and bright, ‘’I’ll become a Grammy winner yet, and you won’t be able to turn me away.’’

Despite himself, Harry laughed. ‘’Of course. But seeing as Kingsman is a _British_ institution, I shall have to see a Brit Award and nothing less.’’

To his surprise, Eggsy extended his hand for Harry to shake. ‘’Aight. After I win a Brit, you – mister most sought-after tailor – will make me a suit. Deal?’’

He looked so confident, bold and brash and ready to take on a challenge – ready to take on the world. Harry didn’t really know if he was serious or joking, but he shook his hand anyway. ‘’I expect to see the award first.’’

‘’Sure.’’

Harry knew that Robin probably thought that he was completely out of his mind, but he didn’t truly care. Eggsy’s smile was infectious, and really, it was all harmless, wasn’t it? Harry didn’t really know the first thing about pop music; he didn’t know if Eggsy stood a chance to win with his first album, he didn’t even know when the ceremony was held. But he could have this bit of fun right now.

And then there was the horrible sound of the window breaking and the moment broke along with it.

Five men in tactical gear stormed the store and Harry’s instincts kicked in. He pushed Eggsy out of the way and towards the back of the store and took on the first assailant, instantly regretting having divested himself of all his weapons.

‘’Get him out of here, Robin!’’ he yelled. Even without weapons, Harry knew that he could hold them back long enough for Robin to get Eggsy to safety.

Harry didn’t have time to see if they had managed to get away, but he could hear doors open and close, so they must have. He’d managed to knock one of the assailants unconscious, but there were still four to take care of and one of them had managed to slip past Harry and up the stairs towards Arthur’s office, but Harry trusted him to be able to defend himself.

There were two gunshots in quick succession and one of the assailants fell down, a dark reddish-brown spot forming around the wound in his forehead; the other bullet missed and had embedded itself in the wall. Harry turned around briefly to see Eggsy aiming the special issue Tokarev with a murderous look in his eyes. He didn’t look shocked or scared; instead, he looked like Harry felt: focused, determined, angry.

‘’What are you doing?!’’ Harry yelled between the shots, ducking behind a desk.

There was the unmistakable sound of someone trying to fire an empty gun, followed by Eggsy hissing, ‘’Fuck!’’. He joined Harry behind the desk and changed the clip with practiced ease, before pulling another gun from his pocket and handing it to Harry.

It was clear that the amnesia serum did not work as well as they’d thought, but Harry thought that they could discuss it later. ‘’One of them went upstairs,’’ he said instead, deciding to go with his gut and trust Eggsy.

‘’Go!’’ said Eggsy and stood up to take another shot and provide cover for Harry.

Harry did, darting out from behind the desk and running upstairs, gun ready. The door to Arthur’s office was wide open and Harry slowed down, keeping his steps slow and light as he moved to peek into the room.

He was not ready for what he found. Arthur was still in his seat, but his head was thrown back and his body limp, a single trail of blood running from his forehead and over his nose. There was no sign of the killer, but there was a device in front of Arthur that emitted a quiet beeping sound. Harry didn’t have to go closer to know what it was; he had seen enough bombs to recognise one from ten paces.

‘’Eggsy, Robin, get out!’’ he shouted as he ran down the stairs.

Luckily, both of them were alive, if somewhat dishevelled and bloody, and they didn’t question the order. They ran out, Eggsy vaulting through the broken window and over the railing effortlessly, Robin and Harry following him through the door and down the stairs.

They had just enough time to cross the street before the shop exploded in a blaze of heat and fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't write action. Sorry.
> 
> Find me on tumblr: [eggmuffinwrites](https://eggmuffinwrites.tumblr.com/)


	9. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After surviving the explosion, Eggsy meets another familiar face and finds that he really can't trust anyone.

Eggsy shrugged off the dinner jacket and threw it haphazardly in the general direction of the couch. It hit the armrest and then slid onto the floor. He probably should’ve wrapped it up in tissue paper or something, given the cost of the thing, but right now, he was hot and thirsty and so fucking confused that the proper handling of three thousand quid jackets just slipped his mind.

Mr. Hart – no, Harry, his mind helpfully supplied – followed him into his flat, constantly talking, but not to Eggsy. Nor was he on his phone, but he seemed to have another invisible device that allowed him to call people, because Eggsy had been the audience to a tense, one-sided conversation for the past few minutes.

They’d ended up at Eggsy’s flat because Harry had discovered that along with the tailor shop, his house had also been blown up, as well as a manor somewhere out of London. It stirred another buried memory in Eggsy’s mind, but not enough to actually tell him what’s going on. Robin had ditched them as soon as they’d rounded the corner to Regent Street, saying something about how he wanted nothing to do with this.

So there they were, standing in the kitchen of Eggsy’s flat, Mr. Hart – Harry – talking a mile a minute about Lancelot and Arthur and breach of security, and Eggsy trying to figure out where he had learned to handle a gun and fight like that.

Marines? Maybe, but he hadn’t stuck around for very long there. Or why he knew how to use the weird pistols at the shop, or why he knew how the cartridges were colour-coded. Or why he hadn’t found it weird at all that a tailor shop had a hidden fucking armoury in the first place. Because he hadn’t at first. In the heat of the moment, when Robin pulled the hook on the left, Eggsy had somehow anticipated what hid behind the wall. He had known to expect pistols and bullets alongside signet rings and perfectly polished oxfords.

Eggsy gulped down a glass of water and that solved one of his problems. Then Harry stopped talking and took off his glasses, rubbing his eyes and pinching the root of his nose. He looked pretty put together for a man who had just been in an explosion. And then he plucked a flattened bullet from the lapel of his suit, managing to do it both gingerly and primly at once. _What. The. Fuck._

Right, Eggsy was going to make him solve the second of his problems and fucking explain.

And then someone pushed the buzzer downstairs.

‘’Who the fuck?’’ Eggsy mumbled under his breath.

‘’I, ah – that must be a friend of mine,’’ said Harry and he at least had the decency to look a bit sheepish.

Eggsy stared at him incredulously.

‘’He is also from Kingsman,’’ Harry added, and the buzzer went off again.

Grudgingly, Eggsy went to the door and checked what the camera system was showing. ‘’Tall? Bald? That your friend?’’ he asked Harry, unwilling to let anyone in right now, to be honest, but clearly Harry knew more than him, so he’d just have to trust him.

‘’Yes, that’s him.’’

Eggsy buzzed the bloke in and listened at the door as someone took the stairs two at a time. He opened the door before the newcomer had time to knock – and fuck, he knew him too. He hadn’t been able to tell from the shitty security camera footage, but the bald bloke was definitely familiar; and it was the same kind of abstract, vexing kind of familiarity as with Harry.

‘’I know you,’’ he said.

The new bloke didn’t miss a beat. ‘’No you don’t,’’ he replied. He turned out to be Scottish, not that that helped Eggsy any.

Eggsy was starting to get really tired of kind-of-sort-of remembering things and meeting people who he had clearly, definitely met before. Maybe, _maybe_ he really was wrong, maybe V-Day had fucked up his brain and he didn’t need a psychologist for his memory, maybe he needed one because he was batshit insane, but this? This needed to stop.

‘’Listen,’’ he said and poked the tall, bald bloke in the chest. He wasn’t nearly as bothered by it as Eggsy would’ve liked him to be. ‘’I _know_ you. I know I know you. And I know him, too.’’ He pointed an accusing finger at Harry. ‘’I don’t fucking know how, but less than an hour ago, I went all Tom Cruise on some dudes in your tailor shop like nobody’s business. So you better fill me in now, because,’’ he turned back to the bald bloke, because Harry was looking at him all apologetic and tender like and it was freaking him out, ‘’I bet it’s you people who’re behind my fucked up memory.’’ Then back to Harry, because he just needed to say this. ‘’And you ain’t a fucking tailor, because tailors don’t fucking fight like that.’’

There was a moment of silence. Then the bald bloke looked straight over Eggsy’s head. ‘’What the fuck have you done, Harry?’’

‘’I haven’t told him anything!’’

‘’Well you’ve fucked something up.’’ The bloke looked back at Eggsy. ‘’We’ll explain what we can, but first, there are more pressing matters. If you’ll allow us to use your flat for the next,’’ he looked at his watch, ‘’half an hour.’’

Eggsy looked back to Harry, because clearly tall, bald and Scottish wasn’t going to play nice. Besides, although he knew he shouldn’t, he found that he trusted Harry by now. He was willing to trust the other bloke, too, if he worked with Harry, but thus far he had only proved to be a bit of an arsehole.

Harry placed his hands on Eggsy’s shoulders and took him a few steps away from the other bloke, who stepped right into Eggsy’s flat like he owned the place. ‘’Listen, Eggsy. I know that you have questions, but Merlin is right. But after we’ve sorted out the basics, I will, personally, explain what I can.’’

He looked so impossibly earnest and imploring, and Eggsy believed him, he really did. But he needed to know one thing first. ‘’Have we met before?’’ he asked and kept right on talking when Harry clearly started to give him some bullshit answer again. ‘’Just tell me this one thing. Then I’ll leave you alone to do whatever you need to do. Call it an advance or whatever; it’s all business, innit?’’

Harry looked like he was just as tired of the bullshit as Eggsy was. Still, he stayed quiet for a moment, before sighing heavily. ‘’Yes, we have met.’’

Immediately, Eggsy wanted to ask a million questions; when, why, how, where? But technically, Harry had held up his end of the deal, he’d answered Eggsy’s question, and now Eggsy had to wait until they had finished with whatever they needed to do, before he could find out more.

‘’Aight, go do what you gotta do,’’ he said instead. ‘’I’ll be around here somewhere.’’

Harry and Merlin – what kind of a name was Merlin? – occupied the living room, while Eggsy lurked around in the kitchen and then his bedroom, trying to listen in on their conversation. Unfortunately, there was nothing to listen in on, all he could hear was some very fast typing – Merlin had some type of Alienware-looking laptop open on Eggsy’s coffee table – and the occasional word or hum that Eggsy couldn’t make out. Eventually he realised that whenever they actually said something, it was in another language, probably so that Eggsy couldn’t listen in. Secretive bastards.

Eggsy was actually kind of starving by the time they finished, so he was going to offer to order in, but the Merlin bloke packed up his laptop real fast. To Eggsy’s surprise, he actually shook his hand. ‘’Pleasure to meet you, Eggsy,’’ he said, before striding out of the door, with a laconic ‘’You know what to do’’ thrown over his shoulder to Harry. At least Eggsy assumed that it was meant for Harry, because Eggsy sure didn’t know what to do. He didn’t even know what was going on.

‘’So, you wanna tell me what’s going on?’’ he asked, turning to Harry, just in time to see him aim him wristwatch at Eggsy and fire something from it. On instinct, Eggsy dodged and ducked, jumping behind his couch.

‘’What the fuck, Harry?’’ he yelled, feeling confused and angry and _betrayed_.

His eyes fell on a tall, heavy vase in the corner, maybe one, two long strides away. His mum had given it to him as a housewarming present and he’d never really liked it. Eggsy knew he only had one chance to get this right, because even with his newfound skills in fighting, he was sure that Harry could take him down in two seconds if he wanted to.

‘’Harry,’’ he said, forcing his voice calmer, ‘’I’m coming out now and we’re gonna talk about this and you’re not gonna shoot me, okay?’’

‘’Alright, Eggsy,’’ came the reply.

‘’How do I know I can trust you?’’

The answer came in the form of Harry’s watch that flew over the couch and landed next to Eggsy on the floor.

‘’You probably have a million other things up your sleeve, but I’ll trust you just this once,’’ he said and drew a big breath. Then, he sprinted out from behind the couch, grabbed the large vase, located Harry, and threw it at him with all his might.

It definitely didn’t knock Harry out, but it knocked him over, so Eggsy straddled his chest and fisted his hands into Harry’s lapels. He still knew that Harry could reverse the situation and have Eggsy unconscious in like three seconds, probably, but he was willing to take his chances.

‘’You’re gonna tell me what’s going on,’’ he said, putting all that anger and betrayal into his voice so that Harry knew that he was serious, ‘’or I fucking swear to god, I _will_ shank you.’’

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is a cold-hearted bastard (actually he's not. He's just better at handling his emotions unlike someone else we know).  
> Also poor Eggsy. 
> 
> Find me on tumblr: [eggmuffinwrites](https://eggmuffinwrites.tumblr.com/)


	10. Cowardice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry finally fills Eggsy in. Kind of.

Harry has been shot, stabbed, _tortured_ before, but nothing hurt as much as the betrayal and hurt in Eggsy’s voice. For a moment, he’s back at the same flat, a little more than a year ago, watching realisation dawn on Eggsy’s features. He hated himself, god, he hated himself.

Eggsy was holding onto his lapels like his life depended on it, but really, Harry knew that Eggsy knew that they were in this position only because Harry allowed them to be. Although it seemed that the amnesia dart had not worked on Eggsy’s muscle memory, that his Kingsman training was still hard-wired in him somewhere, Harry had decades of experience on him. Eggsy was clever and fast – as proved by the trick with the vase – but his skills were unorganised and haphazard; he relied on his gut, whereas Harry was just as fast and resourceful, and what’s more, he was methodical in his attacks.

He had no desire to attack Eggsy. Merlin had instructed him to knock Eggsy out; they were to deal with the problem of Eggsy’s memory later. Harry was going to leave Eggsy with a note and a horrible headache, because the darts weren’t kind on the human body. And after he had dealt with whoever had attacked Kingsman and left Harry without a home, he was going to come back and offer Eggsy an explanation, if he still wanted to hear it.

But looking into Eggsy’s eyes now, he knew that the young man would just do something stupid if Harry left without the explanation he had promised.

So he raised his hands in a gesture of defeat.

‘’I would like to go on the record saying that I do not think there is a good option here,’’ he said, more for the benefit of Merlin, who was undoubtedly listening in via the glasses, than for Eggsy. Then he directed his full attention to Eggsy. ‘’I made a promise to tell you what I can, yes. There are also more pressing matters to attend to; finding out who attacked Kingsman, for example. In all honesty, I should not tell you more than you already know, just to give you the possibility of plausible deniability – in the eyes of the attacker, you are as much of a Kingsman as me or Merlin, and that is not good for your security.’’

Eggsy’s brow furrowed more with every word Harry said and he could not blame him.

‘’Yet I know that without at least some explanation, you will go looking for trouble.’’

The furrowed brow morphed into offence and irritation.

‘’Can you honestly tell me that you won’t?’’

Eggsy’s silence was answer enough.

‘’Let me up and I’ll tell you what I can.’’

Maybe he was imagining it, but it seemed that Merlin’s silence on the other side of the comms was more pointed that usually. Eggsy let go of his lapels, but didn’t get off Harry’s chest. For a brief, indulgent moment, Harry thought how he wouldn’t mind being in this position in another situation. He chased the thought away, both bewildered and ashamed by it. While his attraction to Eggsy was something he acknowledged – albeit not readily – he had thus far believed that as a professional, he was better at compartmentalising. He should’ve known that nothing made sense when it came to Eggsy.

‘’How do I know I can trust you?’’ Eggsy asked, sounding angry and intense once again.

That question hurt more that Harry truly wanted to admit.

‘’I promise you. I will not try to dart you, shoot you, or hurt you in any way. I’d even relinquish my pistols, but I’m afraid you’re blocking my access to them with your thighs.’’

Eggsy looked at him for a long moment. ‘’Alright,’’ he said finally. ‘’I’ll trust you. I’ll get up and you’ll put your guns on the table, and then we’re going to sit down on the couch and talk about this like normal people.’’

‘’Agreed.’’ Eggsy pushed himself up and off Harry, even extending a hand to help Harry up. Harry took it for what it was; an offer of truce. Dutifully, he took his Tokarevs – the same guns that Eggsy had so skilfully handled barely two hours ago – from his shoulder holsters and laid them on Eggsy’s coffee table, as agreed.

With a sigh, Eggsy sunk down to the couch. With the strength he’d shown through it all, it was easy to forget that he must have been tired and confused, too; trying to keep up in a game that he didn’t know the rules to. Recalling his own words to Eggsy, Harry remained standing. _You should have asked me before you took your seat._ Jesus, it felt like they’d had that conversation entire lifetimes ago.

‘’Sit down,’’ Eggsy said without looking at Harry. Harry did, back straight, arms folded neatly in his lap, so different from Eggsy’s casual and exhausted slouch. The tense silence continued, because Harry was waiting for Eggsy to take the first step. After he had betrayed him again, he wanted to give Eggsy a chance to do this on his terms. Let him take of the control; Harry owed him that much.

Eventually Eggsy sighed again. Rubbed his hand over his face and sat up a little straighter. Then, ‘’Just start talking. How did we meet? When? Where? Start there.’’ The intense anger in his voice had gone and in its stead, there was resignation. Like Eggsy was half-expecting him to lie, or dart him again. Like, despite Harry agreeing to his terms and going into this unarmed, he still didn’t trust him to tell the truth. And, to be honest, that hurt. Harry did his best to ignore just how much it hurt, because really, he deserved it.

‘’Well,’’ he started, trying to ignore the hurt that weighed down heavily on his heart, ‘’to be entirely honest, we met for the first time in 1997.’’

Eggsy looked at him in disbelief.

‘’Your father was in training to become a Kingsman and he was killed in a training exercise. He died to save the rest of us – me, Merlin, who you just met, and the man he was competing against for a spot in Kingsman. I came to deliver the news to your mother. You must have been around six or seven then, I think, and I gave you a medal for safekeeping, because your mother rejected it. With the medal came a favour – ‘’

‘’I have that medal!’’ Eggsy said, perking up and turning to face Harry. ‘’Oxfords, not brogues, yeah? I remember that!’’

Harry couldn’t help the small smile crept to his lips despite the situation. ‘’Exactly; words to live by. So that was the first time we met. What’s the last thing you remember before the blank in your memory?’’

Harry knew from the way that Eggsy narrowed his eyes that he had fucked up. ‘’I don’t think I told you about a ‘’blank in my memory’’, Harry,’’ he said slowly. ‘’I just said that my memory’s a bit fucked up.’’

_Shit._ Again, Eggsy proved that one should never, ever underestimate him. But again, Harry was just as quick on his feet. ‘’You haven’t exactly been secretive about it in your interviews,’’ he countered.

‘’You read my interviews?’’

‘’One must pass the time in the loo somehow.’’ It wasn’t his best joke, but he said it anyway, hoping to lighten the mood.

Eggsy snorted, but didn’t laugh. ‘’Classy. Alright, suppose I believe you. You only know about my amnesia because you’ve read my interviews. The last thing I remember? I stole a car and took it on a joyride, ended up crashing. Didn’t want my friends to get into trouble, so I told them to get out and crashed into the police car. Called that number on the back of the medal and was bailed out. By who, how, I don’t know.’’

Harry was surprised that Eggsy remembered even that much or that clearly. The darts tended to affect memories a lot more, delete them, skew them, mess them up. ‘’It was me. I bailed you out. That was our second meeting. When you called the number, you cashed in that favour Kingsman owed your family. You were free to go with the charges cleared. To celebrate, we had a beer at a pub.’’

While Harry talked, Eggsy had begun chewing on his thumb nail.

‘’Full disclosure, I did place a tracker on you when you went home.’’ The irony that he’d neglected to disclose other events from that day, the ones that truly prompted him to place a tracker on Eggsy was not lost on him. ‘’I was interested to see how you… got on, I suppose. As it happened, your step-father became violent when you got home and I used the tracker to ask you to remove yourself from the situation and meet me at Kingsman. You did and I made you an offer to become a Kingsman. I suppose now you want to know what Kingsman is?’’

‘’You know, what you’re saying sounds legit. Like… You know when you read a book? And then a couple of years later, you’ve forgotten most of it, but when someone describes it to you, you sort of recognise it? That’s how what you’re saying sounds to me.’’ Eggsy went back to chewing his nail.

That, of course, should not have been the case. Eggsy shouldn’t have recognised any of it, not even in the vague way he described it. Everything Harry said, except for their first meeting, should have been completely new information for him, so something must have gone very wrong with the dart. Harry would’ve liked to say that it was all his doing, that he had messed with the dosage against orders, to give Eggsy some memories, to show him some kindness, but it wasn’t him. Harry filed that information away for later, because there was nothing to be done about it now, with Kingsman in tatters.

‘’Yes, I imagine it sounds a little confusing.’’

‘’No, not confusing. Just… Foggy? Like the memories are just out of reach? I don’t know.’’ They fell silent for a moment. ‘’Okay, tell me about Kingsman, Mr _Tailor_.’’

‘’To be fair, Kingsman has been a tailor shop for far longer that it has been a secret service.’’

‘’No fucking way. You’re a _spy?_ ’’ Eggsy’s eyebrows rose almost comically. ‘’ _I_ was gonna be a spy?’’

‘’Yes – as you put it – fucking way. Kingsman is an independent secret intelligence agency, operating at the highest level of discretion – you can imagine that the public attack on us is not exactly ideal for our interests.’’ Harry was not interested in giving Eggsy the lecture about Kingsman’s history right now – nor was it important. ‘’The Kingsman agents are the new knights and when one of us dies, we hold trials to fill the spot. I proposed you for the position of Lancelot. You were an excellent candidate and made it to the final two, just like your father. Unfortunately, you failed the final test and so the position of Lancelot was won by another candidate.’’

Eggsy looked a little shell-shocked. ‘’I had the chance to become a spy and I failed? What the fuck was the test? Why did I fail?’’

Perhaps Harry should’ve tried to avoid that topic entirely. Perhaps he should have been quite that honest, but it was clear that there was no backing out now. ‘’At the beginning of the training, each candidate chose a puppy to train. The dogs were your constant companions. The last test was to shoot your dog.’’

‘’What kind of sick fucking – ‘’

‘’They were blanks, Eggsy.’’ They’d had this conversation before too, hadn’t they. ‘’The gun was loaded with blanks, so even if the candidate shot the dog, no harm came to it. You could not shoot yours.’’

Eggsy looked at his own hands for a long while.

‘’You might want to wrap this up now, Harry,’’ said Merlin in his ear, uncharacteristically quiet and subdued.

Harry nodded. Yes, it’s probably for the best. Eggsy had got what he wanted, and Harry had got a trip down memory lane that he didn’t want or need.

And then Eggsy finally spoke up again. ‘’What happened after?’’

‘’Come on, Harry, you know we don’t have time for this,’’ said Merlin, much more assertively than before.

Rationally, Harry knew that Merlin was right. The things that happened after the dog test – the fight, saving the world, Arthur’s decision – would take hours to tell properly. But he also felt bad leaving Eggsy with only half of the story.

‘’Eggsy,’’ he began as he stood up, already beginning to make his leave. ‘’I want you to know that this is not my decision.’’

‘’Harry, you are a fucking coward,’’ said Merlin, but Harry elected to ignore him.

‘’But what happened after is a very, very long story, and I really have to go now. The short of it is that you had to leave Kingsman, I almost died, you killed the leader of Kingsman who turned out to be a traitor, and saved the world. And I regret to say that in the end that was not enough, and as a former, failed candidate, Kingsman had to erase your memory.’’

He left out the fight and the fact that it was Harry who took Eggsy’s memory, because Merlin was right – he was a coward.

He could feel Eggsy’s eyes on him as he put the guns back into the holster.

‘’And that’s it?’’ Eggsy asked, voice dripping venom and sarcasm, and Harry realised belatedly that it was not a question at all – it was an accusation.

‘’Kingsman erased my memory? You’re gonna leave me with that? Leave me with half a story with all the important bits left out? Why? So it’s easier to erase my memories again later?’’

‘’Eggsy, I’m sorry, I’m – ‘’

‘’No, you’re not!’’ Eggsy was back to anger now and Harry couldn’t really blame him, but it was horrible. His anger only seemed to rise with the flush on his neck and face. ‘’Is this your thing? Dropping news like this and then fucking off like you never were there? ‘Cause I’m beginning to feel like it is.’’

‘’Eggsy,’’ Harry said again, not wanting to raise his voice, but he feared that he wouldn’t get a word in otherwise. ‘’Eggsy. I’m sorry, I truly am and I promise you that once all this is over, I will come back to explain. I promise. I’m sorry.’’

Eggsy had stopped looking at him and had crossed his arms like a sullen teenager. Harry decided to use that moment to leave, like the coward he was.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow Harry, you fucking coward. #EggsyDeservesToKnow2k17
> 
> find me on tumblr: [eggmuffinwrites](https://eggmuffinwrites.tumblr.com/)


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